It’s been a while since I’ve sat down to write a post. And I don’t think I have ever simply opened up a new draft in WordPress and just started typing. I always felt like I needed to prepare first. Do my research. Take original photographs to include with my post. Write a rough draft in Word first — almost as if just to put one more step between my work and actually putting it out there in the world. In fact, I used to not be able to write anything for this blog unless I hand wrote it first. It couldn’t even be in a pretty notepad. It had to be on a legal pad or scrap paper — something that could thrown away as quickly as it was produced I guess.
But, I am not doing that any more. I simply refuse. Partly because I have too many half written ideas, and too many others that have all since been forgotten. I have forsaken this urge, this drive, within me for far to long and I simply will not do it any more.
I know you know what I am talking about. Maybe for you it is writing, or perhaps it is something else. But there is that something that pulls at you, that you just know you must devote a piece of yourself to. And that if you don’t, that piece begins to ache.
Its like when you’re laying in bed at night, exhausted, and you have to pee. For a while you can pretend like you don’t have to, or that you’ll be okay until morning. But after a while it becomes clear that you will not be getting any restful sleep until you listen to what you need.
I guess you could say that’s where I am at now. I’m tired of losing metaphorical and actual sleep over this. I have realized that it hurts way more to ignore the deep call I have to write and share, than it does to just sit down and do it.
Ah. That feel pretty damn good. 😉
Look at that. Only my first first day back to the blog and I’m already making pee jokes. I guess you could say that I am starting to feel more comfortable already.
As a quick note before I go, I want to acknowledge the courage I have found to recommit myself to my writing is, in part, thanks to Elizabeth Gilbert‘s new book, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear.
Seriously, Elizabeth Gilbert is my spirit animal (and I know that I am not alone when I say that). Her new book, among many things, has revealed to me how fed I am with feeling like I can’t do this work. That, and it has made me indignant towards my blocks, enough so that I’m finally saying, “screw you, I’m doing it anyway.”
If this post at all resonated with you at all, if you have a call that is aching inside you to be answered, even if you do not know what that call is — please, read her new book. I am only just halfway through and have experienced incredible breakthroughs. This blog post is evidence. Now that’s big magic.
And to Ms. Gilbert — if by some stroke of fate you happen to read this — thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. And also, I would love to be on your podcast sometime. It, like everything you do, I find extraordinarily helpful and healing.
And of course, thank you so much for being here. If my words spoke to you, please share them with a friend who you have a hunch might feel the same. You can also sign up to follow my blog on the right side of your screen. Also, see what I’m thinking about through out the week by following me on Instagram at @kari.ann.levine.
Big Love and Big Magic,